Linger Longer

I was introduced to the concept of cottaging the first summer my husband and I were dating, and he brought me to his buddy’s cottage for the weekend in order to meet his closest friends. In Toronto people flock to their cottages, or lake houses, the moment the temperature goes above freezing (aka the summer). Cottages should not be confused with cabins (there is nothing rugged about the cottage experience), and in fact many of these lake houses remind me more of the estates you might find in East Hampton (aka the Hamptons). Cottaging in the summer in Toronto is sacred, and no one perhaps enjoys it more than my dear friend Char Love. Guests have to take a boat (appropriately named The Love Boat) to get to a beautiful home that has been in the Love family for quite some time. And while the cottage is a wonderful escape from the city, what I love most about the house is the romantic story behind the naming of their summer retreat – Linger Longer. Char was visiting recently and I asked her to tell me again the story of Linger Longer, but I didn’t tell her was why I was so curious. The truth is Linger Longer has been somewhat of an inspiration for me lately – in a strange, but wonderful way. So, let me see if I can get the story straight. 

Char’s great grandfather was visiting Ireland courting a wonderful woman who would eventually become his wife. He was set to travel to the United States by boat and eventually get to Canada when he was still in the process of wooing this lovely lady. As it turns out his love for her was so great and his desire to be with her so strong, that he lingered a little longer while saying goodbye, and missed his ride back to England and the boat that was set to take him on his adventure to North America. It all worked out of course because they were married, eventually made their way to Canada together, and lived a long, happy, and prosperous life in Toronto. For those that know me well, the fact that I just adore the story behind the naming of the Linger Longer cottage is no surprise, because truth be told I’m a romantic at heart to the point of being a bit cheesy. Luckily, the cheesy romantic in me does not seem to bother my husband. But lingering longer these days has less to do with romance and more to do with my little boy. 

Before my son was born, I did my research – after all I knew nothing about babies or taking care of babies. The books, the websites, even strangers who gave me unsolicited advice impressed upon me the need for instilling rules and discipline. They would say: “Get your baby on a schedule.” “Babies should only nurse for food and not for comfort.” “Make sure you infant learns to sleep in his or her crib and not on your (or the father’s) chest.” “Don’t hold your baby too much or they will get spoiled.” (by the way, I think that’s the worse one). There were so many rules for training your baby, and in retrospect I know it was meant to be helpful so that I could maximize my own sleep during those challenging first few months. However, at the time it just seemed so unfair, because in the moment I had my baby in a peaceful state (aka sleeping soundly), particularly in those early days and weeks of his life, the right thing to do, according to the experts, was to separate from him and put him down. There was nothing in the books or online that recommended lingering longer with your baby. 

And now my little guy is 8 months old, and I haven’t picked up a baby guide book in months and I only visit babycenter.comto get the occasional recommendation on the right food plan. I have thrown out the advice and more importantly gained the confidence to trust my gut and savor not just the special moments but all moments with my baby. As my dear friend Felipe pointed out last night, he will never be 8 months again, so I’m choosing to linger longer. When he starts to drift to sleep at night, I nurse him a bit more even though I know he’s stopped eating. And when he’s asleep, I hold him in my arms and sometimes even take a nap with him. Yes, eventually I put him in his crib. But first, I linger longer. Every time I walk out the door for an appointment, I find myself turning back to give him an extra kiss on the cheek or a hug or to repeat one of the few phrases I say to him in English – “I love you”. I’m late because I linger longer. It is when he is asleep and I can stare endlessly at his nose, his mouth, his hair, etc, that I see the traces of me in him. It is in our goodbyes that I look in his eyes and I know he knows I’m his mama. And so for all those reasons I have chosen to say f*ck you to the books and the experts, and just linger longer. My son was sleeping through the night at 3½ months and is a good little baby in spite of my total lack of knowledge of motherhood, ability to set a schedule, or instill discipline. He figured it all out, and so I’m not going to stop enjoying this special time. 

It turns out Char is going to be a mom soon too. This August she will bring her baby, the next generation Love, to spend his or her first summer at Linger Longer. Don’t be nervous, Char. You will be amazing mom and don’t take 8 months to figure out what your great grandparents always knew – it’s best to linger longer. In fact, it can save your life. Turns out that boat her great grandfather missed because he was lingering longer was none other than the Titanic.